In Defense of Silliness
The Garden of Earthly Delights
Triptych by Hieronymus Bosch
When I first started fiddling with the idea of companionship, I double majored in physics and chemistry. I did research, had a data-analyst role, and did student senate, drowning myself in bureaucratic work and roles granted only to those who “earned it.”
The students, Professors, staff, and every other professional I worked with exhibited the formality one would expect from a person in their role. Looking back, it all feels like an impressive role-play.
Often, I think those of higher IQ, when selected to be part of a community based on that trait, grasp onto that identity for dear life to justify their self-worth.
While I started my day at 6 a.m. and ended it home at 10 p.m., I developed a habit of going on Reddit whenever I was stressed and researching Sex Work. The fantasy of being glamorous enamored me, to be beautiful, elegant, and vivacious, and that being an identity justified in itself. I desired to be adored, enamored, and professionally in that sweet spot between a perfect introduction & falling in love.
When I started my role as a Courtesan, I took the dynamics I had seen in Corporate America and exported them to Escorting. These were powerful people; we needed to role-play civility. I acted postured, I raised my voice an Octive, I batted doe-eyes, I spoke slowly.
Retrospectively, this was a terrible idea, and I was probably way worse at the performance than I thought I was.
Around six months ago, out of boredom and a desire for absurdity (and also likely from meeting Aella), I decided to start being unhinged on Twitter, speaking from a flow state and ranting about whatever my latest interest, be it Ai, longevity, the inside of a mechanical watch, or my insatiable desire to move to Japan.
From Twitter and Tryst and Eros, the women who charged the most had advertisements akin to Catalogues you’d find in the office of a real estate developer, with bios to match, describing marble skin, statuesque figures, and well-manicured ornamental shrubs.
I also started being quite silly. Once on a duo with Aella, we spent 20 minutes looking for a proper bible so we could Christian our orgy, or a photoshoot requiring dozens of googly eyes put on my breasts (all eyes on me), or contriving an elaborate tale to the sommelier at Aquavit with one of my patrons about the faux wedding cake we had ordered from them.
Perhaps this is a signaling game, displaying silliness around someone paying me thousands generally rebels against stated norms, but also, role-playing adulthood is boring, power is desensitizing, and we are most at peace when we are at play & falling in love.